


wings

by thoughtcontagion



Series: the chords in our hearts [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Loss, Moving On, POV Second Person, Romance, Separations, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24096802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtcontagion/pseuds/thoughtcontagion
Summary: 'damn these walls, in the moment we're ten feet tall and how you told me after it all, we'll remember tonight... for the rest of our lives.'
Relationships: Edward Elric/Winry Rockbell
Series: the chords in our hearts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738564
Kudos: 7





	wings

_if you can promise me_

_that this is all it is_

_that when it’s over we’ll each take our leave_

_and never come back_

_then yes, darling_

_take me where you go to smile._

* * *

He’s the arrogant little boy who wants the world and you’re the girl next door (or next hill, in this case.)

You’ve never told a soul, but things were different before your lives became a raging dumpster fire. You think that if your mother was still around, you could share this with her. You could explain that the reason Edward never flinches at your touch, never recoils and never tells you _anything_ is not because you and him and Al grew up as makeshift siblings, tied at the hip through shared trauma, but actually because, when no one looks, you stop making faces at each other; when Alphonse leaves, Ed holds your hand, leans into it, shifts towards you when you’re fixing up his arm.

He wrote you when he passed the exam not because Resembool is even remotely his home anymore, but because you kissed him shortly before he left. And he kissed you back.

Edward acts like there’s nothing there, never was and you’re sure it’s so he can convince everyone – and maybe himself too, at last – that the only thing meant chasing is Al’s lost body. He hates automail, you know he does, but you’re the one who’s making it for him and while that’s not nearly enough for him to love the steel arm and leg you carefully equip him with, it’s enough to bear through the pain and the absence of actual feeling. It’s like half of him isn’t even there anymore (and maybe that’s true.)

Even you don’t know for certain whether you want, need them back because they’re your family or because it’s what’s best for them; after all, Ed burnt their house down and yours is filled with just as much grief. But that doesn’t mean all of you can’t be happy somewhere, now does it? If only his walls went down like they used to, if only your relationship spread beyond moments few and far between where you feel fully alive again. If only he talked, so you’d know. Because you know when Edward Elric’s lying or holding back or thinking about something - _someone_ else.

You waltz with the two of them from danger to danger, you support them through the devil’s quest and there are times ghosts creep close to you, sink deep within your skin and hardly ever leave. Sometimes you think you would’ve been better off not knowing who pulled the trigger. Sometimes you just picture that man and hate him silently, because that’s all you can do in the moment. Mostly, you work because it keeps you grounded, curious and it gives you a reason to hold onto him.

But he disappears. Edward dissipates into thin air, leaving behind a trail of confusion and distress and maybe, just maybe, a tiny speck of hope in the form of a living being. Another ghost, one you haven’t seen in years. One you want to love and protect. This Alphonse doesn’t know, but you do. You always know and you’re always sure and therefore, he’s alive. You build and measure and calculate because you so strongly feel the connection still. There’s still so much left unsaid, warm touches and stolen kisses _you_ didn’t tell anyone else about (while some suspected even so.)

For years you carry your load and at times, everyone else’s. Of course, the world doesn’t revolve around him, so you take pride and joy in so much more. When things go south again, because they always do, you count the minutes until he comes crashing in, you know he will. All you want is your family back, whatever shadows might still be playing in the molten gold of his eyes. Winry Rockbell might not have wings, but she has automail and more often than not, that’s just as good.

All light leaves you when he appears, disheveled and most likely hurt. You don’t realize you’re calling out his name, but Ed lifts his head as though he’s the one haunted by a ghost and this moment you will remember for the rest of your life – the muscles contorting his face soften instantly, those eyes widen and your name rolls off his lips the way you hope no one else’s does. For a few seconds before you embrace him, this is the boy you’ve loved all along, but this boy doesn’t afford to love back and you don’t have wings. The walls are up again, sky high.

He disappears once more and this time, he rips apart sloppily sewn parts of your heart. You think, this is how things should be – that’s Al ever wanted, for them to be together again. But why is it that wherever they go, you can never follow? Should you even?

You don’t know anymore.

But you will remember to. And you will love again, you will feel every crack be glued back in place, all dust blown away from the depths of your tired heart. You will love again and it won’t be Ed, your lover won’t have the warmest eyes a man half made out of steel could possess. Now no one knows and maybe even you won’t, what his presence felt like, who he was beyond those few photographs pinned on the board. Those are things you’ll have to think about and you won’t, because thoughts of Edward Elric could be destructive and you’re in love once more.

The memory of that one moment is more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> song is wings by birdy  
> i had this sitting on my laptop for a bit. it's short and quick, but essentially my love letter to FMA. this song is just... the ultimate '03 edwin song to me, so yeah. also, verses in the beginning are just something i wrote randomly, but it fit  
> songfics are fun, might try one at a later point. either way, thanks for reading!


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